A Day in the Life: of "rags and riches"

To be honest, this is my fourth-or-something attempt to write this blog.  The difficulty with condensing my thoughts, is, we find ourselves in the crux of two contrasting lives.  Of which, I could write books in great length upon, and which, I will not do because the world already contains books with too many details of observation that get redundant after page 100 anyhow.

And then, in the moments, where I sit to type to explain such portions of a life I believe are worth expressing, there is this little man...my son...Danforth....who stares at me with his unrelenting eyes of blue soft clarity, piercing into my soul to remind me to absorb in the moment, our moment together...without needing to capture everything in words or share everything in photos. This little man, who's soft squishy warm body is stretching out, by the day becoming heavier to carry, reminds me of the quick frame I'm in of this passing moment with him and the world around us.

So, in the details I have chosen to share, may we look at this together with intrigue in the form of laughter, tears, pleasure and even shards of pity or joy...for there are some details, I'd dare to say, worth re-experiencing in the form of retrospect.

To begin, I will start with the present.  The present finds me in a luxury hotel, chopstick eating leftover Vietnamese food, overlooking the Houston skyline from the 11th floor, while Danforth sleeps in the middle of a king sized bed surrounded by 5 plush pillows.  Quite a change from his usual wicker disposition.  I arrived here by a car that literally took me 25 minutes and 5 phone calls to figure out how to start, due to the fact I haven't touched a car in 3 months...no less one that fancy and modern...as the last one I drove was strictly manual and from 1999.  Turns out, the break must be pushed.  So as if I wasn't already embarrassed enough by being stuck with the luxury of a car and not knowing how to turn the dang thing on, I then pulled into this luxury hotel to be waited on by valet parking guys and luggage carriers while Danforth screamed at the top of his lungs from his wretched carseat. I didn't know if I'd even be able to check in, I didn't know what valet parking was or if it came with the whole hotel ordeal, and I didn't expect that when I asked for a luggage cart that a man would come with it.  So here's this sweaty young girl, baby on her hip, laughing hysterically to the point of awed tears at the change of events......because....

COREY GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The interview process started way back on a beach in Michigan, continued through the Walmart lot in Ohio, Mammoth Caves visitor center in Kentucky, more Walmart lots in Tennessee, the aisles of Ace in Texarcana Arkansas, and two coffee shop in-person casual meetups in Austin...and THE CALL as we happened to be together in a Starbucks, timely as we could have a celebratory sweet something.  He is now working as an Implementation Developer at the small tech startup company Onit.  No formal attire necessary.  But really, this process began over a year ago and we are ecstatic to have the extensive search finally come to an end!!

So this whole car and hotel business, has to do with part of the orientation for his job as the company is based in Houston and doesn't have an office in Austin yet, so Corey is one of several that will work remotely.

And naturally, Danforth and I came along for a retreat from home. And what might we be retreating from?

Compare..

and Contrast...

I'll further illustrate a day in the life...

On any usual day, we wake in the morning finding new aches in our backs from a lumpy disfigured bed and 2 feet of headroom in which we continually maneuver Danforth’s little body from his confined wicker sleeping area at our feet.  The choice for breakfast might contain spoiled milk from a fridge that occasionally stops and spoils all our fresh produce within the passing of a night.  It might continue to include stumbling over the dirty clothes bag that takes up floor space as soon as anything is put in it, into wrestling through the clingy shower curtain in the 2 square feet space to douse oneself in spine chilling water.  The refreshment might only last a few minutes as we soon work up our sweat trying to simply get a piece of clothing out of our tightly packed closet, or as we pace around rapidly in the bouncing house hopping over one another’s feet and anything not kept in its exact storage location.  We pace because we hope to avoid another hour long bus wait to get us out of our slightly stranded suburbia, but soon we are stopped to change several diapers on our dining table, but first, the dining table might need to be cleared from anything we didn’t diligently put away after using it. 

The choice following is one of staying “home” battling the humid heat in the hot box, or the biting fire ants if we choose to sit outside our door in the 3 feet of shade our umbrella provides.  Besides the heat and (most of the time) overwhelming amount of disorder in a small space…to stay home like the housewife nesting instincts are telling me to, is tempting, as to not bother society with the unpredictable reactions of a child that might be hungry at an inconvenient time to feed, or finding myself changing diapers on public bathroom floors and park benches.  Or simply just the joy of enjoying my child and not having to focus on keeping him calm, letting him roll on the floor and do things most babies get to spend their days doing.  The success of a day at home might be a 5 mile bike ride to finding a box fan on sale for $5, despite two red-slimy hot faces upon return, the delight of moving air causes a perfect feeling of wealth and satisfaction.

There’s that, or the hassle of packing up everything we “might” need for an entire day into one filthy overcrowded backpack, the bulk of it being our diaper/part cloth part disposable system. (Which, by the way, I highly recommend the gDiaper system for those not wanting to fully commit to washing the poopy part of the diaper or for those not interested in diapers that take centuries to decompose in a landfill).  The entire day is always sacrificed if we want to leave no matter how small the errand, due to the public transportation system.  Remembering the many trips where the time of our errand was entirely dwarfed by the amount of time the actual “getting there” took us.  On the extreme end, a half hour errand took us literally, 6 hours.  That’s 6 hours, for a half hour errand.  And there's always the days when on bikes in the rain dealing with the bus...and yes, Danforth is inside my coat in the below picture.

So, say we choose to leave anyways.  After getting packed, wiping off our first layer of sweat, and getting Danforth content enough to leave, finagling the very tricky lock on the motor home door…it’s then getting to the bus stop.  This entails crawling down an 8 ft deep ravine for the occasional city water drain area, crossing an alleyway of tickly grass and biting ants, and walking one to several hot miles of pavement and neighborhood to the bus stop to wait for about an hour regardless of how timely we attempt to be with the bus schedules.  The day would probably bring many handfuls of miles walking with Danforth strapped to one of our chests, or carried in arms, as we walk or explore or simply try to get somewhere to do something slightly productive, like eat lunch at a food truck.


I could go on, but I feel I've painted enough of that image.  So in that setting, when a typical life thing that challenges patience levels comes our way, you might be able to see that it gets accentuated by the difficulty that simple functionings have on their own.  And then, when ready to head out for the evening to meet up with a couple of friends....to find a flat tire on our only form of transportation...that feeling of overheated stranded-ness only screams in the face louder.

Some days are hard days.  Some days, I get so overwhelmed by it all, I fall to the ground with helpless tears only wishing I had a car or some way of just getting out of this 23 foot circus, that can so quickly go from order to disorder.  Some days, I join Danforth in his cries, helpless to myself feeling like I've been poured out and have no more energy to battle or walk in this adventure that is learning to function in the day to day life we are in.  Some days, when I am sitting in the deepest level of "poverty" I have ever experienced, all I can muster to think is about a stomach so hungry for a real meal that doesn't take every ounce of my courage and effort to prepare, with a brain still imbalanced from the postpartum rush of hormones that my smile is lost...the difficulties and "stuff" surrounding me on every side like a suffocating blanket of taunting chaos in this tiny box so far from anything familiar or comfortable. And then, I remember the most beautiful words that have never mattered and meant so much until now..

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

There is this beautiful lingo of the Christian faith that says to "go vertical".  And this verse does that precisely.  Nothing about my circumstances change, but everything changes with this perspective.  Sure, my emotions come and go...but all of a sudden...the "stuff" that was overpowering my ability to function as a levelheaded loving woman, looses its power when I can look straight up, into the face of He who has given these very things that are causing the temporary moments of insanity. 

And like very kisses of heaven through humankind, these hard days are dwarfed by other circumstances.

Like the guitar that is always in the way of other things we are trying to get to.  That guitar that I want to stomp on and shove somewhere out of sight....all of a sudden, becomes this tool for blessing.  Where, the quietness of the night falls and Danforth is tucked calmly and quietly into his basket-bed, and I lift my voice to the heavens singing Psalms...is purely medicine to our weary souls.

Which by the way, I recorded Psalm 23 in the setting below.  It was quite a feat digging through bins and roof-tops to get the basic equipment necessary, but it happened nevertheless! 

Like finding out we would no longer have a place to stay unless we signed a 3 month lease..thinking we'd be jobless and homeless just two weeks in the city.  To having the manager convince his boss to let us have a one month lease because of our story.  And then coming upon the ideal apartment with only a day of trying....we will have a HOME in just over a week!  (Here's a sneak peak)

Like being friendless..to having a group of 15 people looking for friends come together every single week through our church.

To sweating every day, to being loaned a window air conditioning unit.

Or like a day that goes well, where we only have to wait 15 minutes for a bus, and not 45.  Where Danforth happily goes from stroller, to arms, to backpack, to floor...on a day such as our 3rd year Anniversary...without a fuss.  Where we toast two $7 glasses of wine overlooking the city in celebration of our marriage...and when I finally come to terms with the spending of it...we find that the bartender decided to pay for us!?!?

Or like the day we found out Corey got the job, during that night's very celebration dinner, for the heck of it, we offer the spare seats of our table to anyone not interested in waiting....to have our dinner PAID FOR by the man that joined us!  That also happened to land on the day where the manager of a popular music venue in Austin, treats us to two VIP tickets to a Paolo Nutini  and Jimmy Cliff concert!  We stand there, on the balcony overlooking the stage, or from the VIP lounge...laughing with our eyebrows raised...in absolute celebration...in absolute awe of the kindness in which life and God has greeted us with through others.

It's these random moments of extreme generosity and Providence, that reiterate the above verse again and again.  That through the times of being given to, or the times of "taken away" from...my life is still here to bless His Name.  Whether it be our story or our God...or both...I am reminded that we are well taken care of.   And though the conditions we have been living in are extremely challenging, it is also everything we need, and that is still wealth on the scale of the world's spectrum of poverty and riches.  And the more I experience these day to day, detail to detail life struggles, in all honesty, I feel my emotional muscles growing stronger by the second.  To refer to these things as emotional conditioning rather than some kind of woe-is-me-poverty mindset, causes me to continually remember that though our shower or form of transportation may be a hassle, it's a shower and form of transportation nonetheless.  Though hauling a baby, two huge bags of laundry, among a bouncy chair, computer, diaperbag and such things several miles and back...to simply do a couple loads of laundry...I'm still in the context of having very fortunate circumstances...they just require a lot more blood circulation, sweating pores, and the occasional tears.

Which brings me to the moments of life, that bring us so much joy.  An almost unspeakable amount. Whether it be in human interaction or human observation.

Like the scenario on the bus where David in the tye-dye who virtually prophesied that Danforth would make history, and that he was an anchor of our family after hearing our story.  Then the man with the tattooed eyelids in overhearing our exchange, asked me if I believed David.  He said he had chills up his arms on behalf of the words that had been said.  And the silent woman who couldn't get the grin off her face from overhearing all of it, she didn't stop sending smiles our way.  A moment that leaves a warmth in the soul, to have such genuine exchange with complete strangers.

It's things like the woman getting on the bus with the skirt over her head or those that drive around with extra bass in their vehicles for the sole purpose of sending those hopping Mexican polka tunes through the streets with extra emphasis...these things that we get to shake our heads at the ever changing, refreshing unexpectedness of the people that make up cities.

And best of all, there is the micro level of our own humanity, in the smallest form that comes back to the child.  This Danforth, whose arms we take to wrap around each other's necks when we need an extra boost with the squishy baby love. There's this slightly odd lyric in a song "when heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss" that I finally have something praiseworthy to relate it to with his little drooling innocent lips that happen to brush the cheek more times than not in the context of a hug. I may talk about his tears, only in the same context that I may occasionally complain about our present living conditions.  The reality is, I couldn't ask for a better behaved almost 4 month old. Nor would I ask for a change in these living conditions.  They both challenge the living daylights out of me sometimes...but the reward is so simple it's aggravating.  A larger capacity to grow in patience and endurance, and a greater capacity to love.

I came upon the following quote during our first week in the city.  Coming from our safe haven of the "woods" of Northern Michigan into this entirely new kind of wilderness, it struck my arms and soul with the tingles of profound meaning.  As I read it, the wind bristled quietly in the leaves, the sun shining, and the city skyline just in sight, and without another human in sight.  I felt we were on the periphery of an altogether new life in this new form of civilization. Coming into it in the most meager and humble form. Yet even so, in all the changes, as stated above, there are countless silent whispers of comfort, of kindness, of love, that help me move forward through this endurance test in a loud shouting environment that often can feel like chaos.

After jumping from our motorhome to a city for a complete month now, we are moving onward, and upward.  We are going to have a home that has a foundation, proximity, style, and "space". We are going to have a source of income at last.  We don't regret a moment of our home on wheels, and now, looking back, nor the months of joblessness. As we park in the driveway of a friends place in our last week stretch to the finish line of this crazy journey, we look forward to a bit of conventional life for a change.  Knowing always, to keep in the forefront of our minds, that solid appreciation for the things that are that once were not.  

And as always, where one journey ends, another begins.  We have a city to tackle.  Opportunities to pursue.  Friendships to establish.  Stay tuned as we navigate this new form of wilderness, known to us as Austin.

I took the photo below and wrote the caption: It may be a "selfie", but there is something profound about remembering who I am, where I come from, when so absorbed with a new place and becoming a mother.  Selflessness has never found me such as it has now...and from time to time, to take a moment to remember and to capture my own face in the images of the moments, I will dare to say, is acceptable behavior.

And I suppose, that is kind of the purpose of this blog.  It stands as an over 200 page attempt at making a record of our journeys to keep fresh the memories of the realities of each.  I so appreciate the dear friends and family that have followed my ramblings and sometimes overabundant use of words to try to express feelings too deep for such letters. 

And I hope that in the writing of this thing, through all the hours spent in hard chairs in coffee shops, laundromats, or restaurant booths (now with a squirmy babe in the mix), that I have succeeded in encouraging you to be you, and to cherish that very dream that drives you and possibly just "do it" and make it a reality, see where the road brings you.

It's not easy as much as it isn't disappointing...but it's worth it.  Very much so, as my life as a woman in pursuit of God's plan for my life.  It isn't easy to submit to selflessness and non-self worship or believe things that offend others I care about, as much as it isn't disappointing to encounter the beautiful reality of that belief and the way it interacts so intimately with my life.  These small moments, rays of light, whispers of joy and love and affection...are impossible to account to words...and they are always worth it. 

In sincerity,

M